tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
