it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
