you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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