she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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