Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
