i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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