is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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