I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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