a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
