When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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