I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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