Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
