I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
