Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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