Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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