Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
