look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
