i permit you to call me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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