so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize