You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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