you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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