A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
