it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
