I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
