Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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