I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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