he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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