it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
