The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
