she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
