i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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