im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's always time for handjobs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize