i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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