I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
