and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
