I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
