Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
