I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
