sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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