I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
