I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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