Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
