Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
