I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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