you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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