Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
