careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
