The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
