Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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