Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the day after is always just damage control
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
