and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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