that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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