I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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