Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
