Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
