best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
