We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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