my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
