i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
