just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
