just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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