Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
