I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
