New invention idea: vibrating tampons
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
