I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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