So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
