we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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