There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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