your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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