Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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