I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
