so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
