Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
