I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
